Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In other news, I just burned my penis
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
