I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
