So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hippo gnu deer
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
