I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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