I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
