tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
