Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So apparently I’m into choking now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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