my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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