I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
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Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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