my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
