I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
