That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
