sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
