I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
