To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
