I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
wow bdsm is so cute
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