Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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