After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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