I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
