What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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