Your tits are I can't wait for
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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