If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
