We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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