If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
