he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
