Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
