Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
3 2 1 whiskey
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
