wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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