Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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