remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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