the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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