never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
