I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
