thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
