This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
