party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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