Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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