Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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