he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
