Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i believe in u and ur pee
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
