His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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