dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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