He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
