I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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