All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
