Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
