I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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