She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
