When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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