I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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