shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
