If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
