I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
