i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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