Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
