I smell stomach acid.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
