If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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