I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
