Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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