Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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