I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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