1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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