Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
