I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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