Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
