Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
