I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
