He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
