There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
