this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
