my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
