my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
