i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
