when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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