Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
...so i touched it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
