She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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