i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
