just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How's work?
Spinning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
