Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
